At least the food is better than the guilt
“My typical Asian mother (advice: if God ever asks you what family you would like to be born to. If it is an asian mother, just say ‘no’) then changes her tune and embarrasses me by going into a rant to the salon directress and her assistant about how $1400 is just too much for a dress. When she got married she borrowed her dress from her friend for $20. A David’s Bridal dress is...
The new Esperanto
“Well, my parents speak the same language- YELLING.” From a post about language barriers between the two sets of in-laws on Weddingbee.
Maybe she can give it to a Republican
“This is not about weddings but I thought I would share this story because you guys will appreciate it… A few years ago my mom bought this card that said (I’m paraphrasing), “A woman is like a teabag — you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water.” So she adopted this quote as a kind of woman-empowerment thing, and started calling people teabags....
I go to the gym to hum, loudly, to myself.
“I had a stranger tell me the other day that I was in the wrong because I do not wear my wedding ring to the gym?!?!?! WHAT??? First off, I do not wear any jewelry to the gym except for my watch. Second, I would be afraid that my wedding ring would fall off my finger when working out…..you know, people do tend to sweat. … She tried to justify herself by saying that anyone...
That's what my grandmother said
“that’s ok, securing a man is gift enough.” (an email from a friend after I wrote her telling her that her wedding gift was backordered.)
You scoff at a sign from God?
“Just like some people’s families give them the down payment on their house and some people’s families give them a Jesus sign instead. I’m in the Jesus sign family.” (from a discussion about unusual wedding gifts)
Not wed and not dead
“Before I got married, I had this aunt whose hobby was to tease me during wedding receptions. Every time there’s a wedding, she would jokingly tell me in front of other relatives and friends that ‘it’s my turn,’ even though I had no boyfriend. It irritates me that she thinks mid-20s is too old and that I should marry. I was a bridesmaid 7 times before I got married,...
No, Le Corbusier
Dear Miss Manners, Most wedding cakes are so vulgar, with all the overly fancy trimming, and I would prefer to have a perfectly plain cake. My fiancée, who generally has very good taste…says that would look “cheap” and wants one of those several-tiered monstrosities….This is such a dumb argument, but it makes me wonder what else she is keeping from me in the way of secret...
Even if she has Bette Davis eyes?
“I would like to remind the ladies that, while a woman looks at a man from the head down, a man looks at a woman from her feet up. If she doesn’t have decent legs and buttocks and good breasts, the rest of her doesn’t have much of a chance.” (from a comment on a New York Times article about YouTube favorite Lauren Luke, who teaches women, including brides, how to apply...
From a cheap hooker, natch.
While reading bridal forums, I have been doing double-takes when I see questions on the boards that say things like “Where did you get your STD?” “How much did your STDs cost?” “Do I need an STD?” Brides, in their wedding bubble, mean Save-the-Dates. To the rest of the world, well, this is not the first thing STD stands for. Related: Savage Love cheerfully...
Things That Annoy Me, part 1
Photographers who call their web page about prices “investment.” 1.) This always makes me think of “investiture” and that there’s going to be some kind of fantabulous ceremony if I click on it. 2.) No one wants to look at, let alone buy, your stinky wedding photos, so they are probably the opposite of an “investment.” “Money-losing sinkhole,”...
I've always wanted chocolate-flavored BPA
“They were white plastic spoons dipped in chocolate, wrapped in celophane, and tied with a gold ribbon…They were for stirring your coffee…at least I hope so because it would look silly for a bunch of adults standing around with plastic spoons in their mouths!” (From an email a friend sent me about a wedding favor she received.)
Nooo! I can't quit you pickle wraps!
Original poster: “The venue regularly does meals, but they range toward buffet-style, and include such things as pickle wraps (what are those, you ask? Take a few slices of dried beef, spread with cream cheese, wrap a dill pickle up in it and slice…these are delicious, but not exactly what I had in mind) and roast beef.” Responder: “They have probably been doing weddings a...
No use at all, my dear
“My mom took forever to get me the date because she insisted on this one fortune teller who at first ‘had no calendar’ for the year, then he went to HK on a trip! … In my opinion, if you cannot predict what’s going to happen in the coming year without a damn calendar, what use are you?” (from a post entitled “SO frustrated and in need of help…or...