Dear Miss Manners,

Most wedding cakes are so vulgar, with all the overly fancy trimming, and I would prefer to have a perfectly plain cake. My fiancée, who generally has very good taste…says that would look “cheap” and wants one of those several-tiered monstrosities….This is such a dumb argument, but it makes me wonder what else she is keeping from me in the way of secret ickyness.

Gentle Reader:

Who are you, the Mies van der Rohe of the pastry shop? Wedding cakes are supposed to be vulgar. Go buy yourself a donught to satisfy your aesthetic sense, and let her have that wedding cake.

(from an actual letter and answer sent to Miss Manners, and reprinted in her Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior.)

Ed. note: Also, if a fondness for tiered and overly decorated cakes is your fiancée’s greatest “secret ickyness,” I think you should be grateful. It could be much ickier.