I read this article about The Dexter Lake House Band, a New York wedding band a few weeks ago when it was in Sunday New York Times Style Section and pretty much every part of it made me laugh. If I had an extra $8,000 lying around I would totally hire them.

Here’s a video of them playing Journey:

My favorite quotes include:

- “Special requests are only one element that goes into the Level of Brutality, or L.O.B., a highly sensitive index the band developed to assess each wedding. “An L.O.B. of eight is pretty brutal,” Mr. Stinchcomb says. “An L.O.B. of 10 is, like, somebody dies.”

Many factors can swing the L.O.B. Food is high on the list. Ideally, the band eats what the guests eat. In high-L.O.B. situations, they get somewhat less. “Wraps are a brutal food,” Mr. Stinchcomb says.”

- “Poor old Johnny Ray,” Mr. Ruedeman belts. “Sounded sad upon the radio/ He moved a million hearts in mono.”

There’s some stirring in the back of the room but not enough. It seems as if the band has fired the bullet too soon. Then comes the bridge:

“Come on, Eileen taloo-rye-aye”

All of a sudden there are people streaming down the aisles, pushing tables aside, running for the dance floor. The entire crowd is pogo-sticking up and down as the beat builds toward the chorus.

“I said too-ra-loo-ra-too-ra-loo-rye-AYE.”

- “Mr. Rodriguez is effortlessly wailing away on lead. Mr. Olsen is in full, eyes-rolling-back drummer-ecstasy mode while the women kick their shoes into a pile, stamp their feet and clutch each other like little girls reunited at summer camp.”

[Incidentally, this article was totally written by a man, since there are MANY references to the intensity of female wedding guests, but having attended many social events where people play Journey and similar wedding songs, I think the descriptions are often—even if they make me cringe—pretty spot on.]